Temporary Bliss
by Arach Malfoy
Summary: "He doesn't know why he keeps coming back night after night. Mabel's told him that he should end this before he gets hurt, but he knows it's already too late for him. He's trapped, completely blind to the consequences, and if he's not careful, it's certainly going to kill him one day."


**Things y'all need to know before jumping into this angst:**

\- Dipper and Bill met when they were 15 and 16 (respectively); The twins are 17 and Bill's 18 now.  
\- They all live in Piedmont, California instead of Gravity Falls.  
\- It's currently summer in this fic.  
\- Bill's a completely normal human being.  
\- Dipper suspects Bill's been cheating on him with other people.  
\- There is implied sexual content.

* * *

He doesn't know why he keeps coming back night after night. Mabel's told him that he should end this before he gets hurt, but he knows it's already too late for him. He's trapped, completely blind to the consequences, and if he's not careful, it's certainly going to kill him one day.

Not that Bill would let that happen. All the other needs to do is whisper sweet nothings into his ear during the heat of the moment, when Dipper's putty between his hands and his mind too focused on the fingers dancing across his skin. He'd gotten himself stuck in the web of Bill's love – was it even love when all he did was warm the other's bed? – and after two years, it was starting to become too much.

He decides he needs to end this when he wakes up underneath a familiar blanket with the sun shining in through the curtains and the other side of the bed is cold. As it always is when they do this. There was a time in the beginning of their relationship when Bill would stay; Dipper would always wake up first and whenever he tried to get up, Bill's arms would hold him close, a murmured _stay_ and a sleepy smile that Dipper couldn't resist. He'd cuddle closer and they'd spend the rest of the day like that, in each other's arms, always touching and always grinning at each other; kisses were stolen, jokes were thrown around.

They were happy.

They were in love.

When did it all go to shit?

* * *

Sunlight reflects over the hot tears that stream down his face, some coating the bite marks Bill always loved making. Dipper used to do that to him, the other man always begging for the slight pain that came with it, and now, Bill wouldn't let him leave any marks in visible places. A shaky hand rubs at his naked chest, knowing where every bruise and scratch was. Last night had been a particularly rough session, Bill had sounded pissed off when he'd asked Dipper to come over after all.

Sighing, Dipper sits up in the fairly large bed. The blanket falls and he welcomes the cold air that hits his exposed skin, his hands furiously wiping away the tears that continue to stain his cheeks. This wasn't the first time he'd cried in Bill's bed, then again the first time he did was because he'd been new to the world of Bill's kinks. At least back in those days it was pleasurable.

The house is quiet as it has been the past few months whenever he stayed the night. Sure, Bill always left him breakfast and a fresh pot of coffee, but it was during the mornings after a night of passion when he felt the loneliest. The house screamed Bill and yet, as he ran his fingers along the painted walls and burned his tongue on his reheated breakfast, it was like the other man didn't even live there.

For once, he understood why people loved the things that were so bad for them. It was addicting and he never thought he would become addicted to anything.

Especially not a love that's gone so cold.

* * *

"Bro bro!" Mabel yells to him before he can fully sneak out of their shared room through the window. He's been doing this since he first started dating Bill, his parents still not fully supportive of his relationship. Dipper stops and looks at his sister, a sad smile on his face when he sees how worried she looks. An overwhelming amount of love – the kind reserved for Mabel – floods his chest because when his world began to fall apart, his sister was always there to keep the pieces held tight together.

"I'll be fine," He tries to sound reassuring, but the worry in her eyes only grows.

"Are you going to leave him?" She sounds so small, nothing like the loud girl who freezes plastic dinosaurs and bedazzles everything she can get her hands on. It makes his heart clench at how his pain was the cause behind _her_ pain.

"I promise you, I'll leave him tonight." Mabel still doesn't look convinced, so he hops back into the room and gives her a tight hug. Finally, she relaxes and tells him good luck. He squeezes her again before going back to his makeshift ladder at the window – thank god the ground wasn't too far, otherwise he'd have swollen ankles every other week – and smiles at her as she stick her head out, waving at him.

He waves back and, with determination flowing through his veins, he walks to Bill's house.

* * *

Before he can even say anything, Bill's got him pinned against the wall, his arms held above his head in a position that always left him weak. He tries to speak, to tell Bill that he couldn't take this anymore, but it's impossible to form words when there's a warm tongue licking a trail up his neck and soft lips playing with his ear.

"I love you." Bill whispers, hands letting go of Dipper's wrists so that they can work on unbuttoning the other's shirt.

"Bill." He keeps his arms above his head, ignoring the ache in his shoulders, and lets that one name leave his mouth in between breathy moans. Soon, his naked body hits the bed and he knows he can't leave.

Not tonight, he can't leave.

He just can't.

* * *

Mabel greets him with a plate of pancakes and an excited glint in her eyes when he sneaks back into their room the next morning. Bill, of course, had left before him again. He never knew where his boyfriend went in the mornings and frankly, he'd rather not find out. Just being alone in that bed every time made him hurt.

"Ice cream's for bad breakups. Pancakes are for necessary and good breakups!" Mabel says, misinterpreting the look on his face as one of confusion. A beat of silence and Dipper playing with the hem of rumpled shirt makes the grin on Mabel's face slip. She sets the plate down on her bedside table and slowly approaches Dipper.

"You _did_ breakup with Bill, right?" She asks, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He can imagine the hurt and disappointment in her eyes already and he really doesn't want to tell her. But they're twins, best friends, and they promised to stop lying to each other after Mabel didn't' tell him about Pacifica and Dipper didn't tell her about his magic research.

"No," That one word is wrapped in so many emotions, but none of them stand out in the way that Dipper's voice cracking does. Not because of puberty – he'd dealt with all that awkwardness six years ago. No, it cracks because of the sob that threatens to leave his throat, eyes watery.

The hurt Mabel felt about Dipper breaking his promise disappears immediately as she witnesses her brother crumble once more. How many morning afters was it going to be before her comfort could no longer help her brother?

She pulls him into a hug, arms wrapped tight around him. He doesn't return the hug at first, thinking he doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve such an understanding sister when he was too cowardly to break up with his boyfriend. However, he gives in eventually because Mabel's saying soothing words into his hair; each one sounded more genuine than what Bill's kissed into his skin every night.

"I tried, but, Mabel, _I can't_. I love him so much and he has still care about me, right?" Mabel wants to tell him no. She wants to tell him that Bill's a manipulative asshole who shouldn't be on the receiving end of Dipper's blind love, but she knows that's not what her brother needs to hear right now. Maybe she could go hunt Bill down and kick his ass instead.

"I'm sure he does, Dip-Dop, but sometimes… sometimes love isn't enough. This relationship's hurting you," She gently pulls away so that her forehead's leaning against his. Dipper's eyes are still wet with unshed tears and he looks so fragile, nothing like the stubborn teenager that didn't let anybody step on him. Then again, this was who Dipper was beneath all that bravado and courage, an insecure boy still afraid of everything. She really wishes she was enough to help him through this, but she knows this is something he has to accomplish on his own.

"What about you and Pacifica though? I've seen you guys fight before and then make up. Love's enough for you guys," Dipper's trying to defend his relationship and she wants to wrap him up in a burrito blanket so that Bill can never touch him again. The sad smile is back on her face and she shakes her head, forehead rubbing against Dipper's.

"You and Bill aren't me and Pacifica, bro bro," she says softly and she almost wants to take it back when she sees Dipper deflate, finally accepting that yes, his relationship wasn't healthy. "You two might love each other, but this isn't right. You need to let go. Please tell me you'll let go this time."

Dipper takes a deep breath and it sounds as unsteady as he feels. He closes his eyes, mind whirling and emotions creating chaos within in his heart. He knows what he has to do and he's glad to have a sister like Mabel to guide him through this tough decision. Love wasn't going to be enough to keep the shards of their relationship together anymore.

Opening his eyes, he looks into those eyes so much like his own and, in a quiet, determined voice, he says, "I'll let go."

Mabel's smile widens the slightest, "And I'll be here to catch you."

* * *

He decides that the first step to letting go was to avoid Bill at all cost. It seemed like a coward's way out of things, but he needed a few weeks to get rid of his addiction for Bill's touch. He needed time to just regain control of himself, to remember who he was before he became Bill Cipher's boyfriend.

Of course, said teenager wasn't going to make this easy on him. Bill called him every night, his voice messages filled with _I miss you_ , and he texted him constantly – every one of them concerned about his wellbeing with the occasional love poem thrown in. He remembered how he and Bill would spend nights in the forest that served as the halfway point for them; they'd be cuddling on a checkered picnic blanket, the moon illuminating their faces and the stars shining brilliantly. Poetry would spill from Bill's lips and Dipper adored hearing the slight lilt in his voice.

Nowadays, their only moments were spent in between the sheets.

He hated what they'd been reduced to.

Bill tried talking to him person too; he'd come over to his house only to be turned away by Mabel (their parents were, thankfully, away during Bill's attempts) and then resorted to throwing rocks at his bedroom window. The constant banging on the glass annoyed Mabel to the point where she taped a large sign over their window that told Bill to go away. He stopped coming after that.

* * *

Finally, three weeks of staying holed up in the house passed and Dipper felt that he was ready to let go.

He picks up his phone, staring at Bill's contact photo – it was a candid shot that Dipper took on their sixth date at the fair; the bright lights of the Ferris Wheel that Bill was staring at adding color to his blonde and black hair. It'd brightened his eyes and the awestruck look on Bill's face was absolutely precious. – for a moment with a wistful smile, before pressing the call button.

"Pine Tree!" Bill sounds relieved and Dipper allows himself to relish in the memories that come with that nickname.

"Hey Bill," Dipper's voice is soft, completely different from his usually strong tone and he's sure Bill and hear it too.

"Hey… you okay?" There's concern and Dipper's pleased with himself when he doesn't give in to the way his heart yearns for the other.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, can we meet up? I need to talk to you."

"Of course, whatever you need. See you in our usual spot in ten?"

"See you then."

He wants to end the call immediately, his resolve cracking underneath the amount of worry Bill's showing, and he's about to hit the end call button when Bill speaks up again.

"I love you," And it feels like someone's ripping his heart out of his chest because he knows Bill's being truthful, that when their relationship was freezing and cracking, their love for each other was still a burning flame.

"I know." Dipper hangs up before Bill can hear the sob that tears pass his lips.

* * *

Their usual spot is the clearing where they'd spend nights stargazing and having afternoon picnics. Nobody knew about it, it was solely their place. His hands clench into fists as he waits for Bill; he was about to taint their special spot with heartbreak.

He hated this.

"Dipper!" Bill calls out as he makes his way through the thick forest and stops right in front of Dipper. He leans in for a kiss. Dipper turns his head so that Bill's lips land on his cheek instead. Bill pulls away and stares at Dipper in confusion. "Pine Tree… what's wrong?"

Dipper doesn't reply right away. He thought he was ready and he was in some way, but now that he was here with Bill standing so close to him, his throat is closing up and his heart is pounding painfully against his chest. Taking a deep breath he turns his head and looks Bill in the eye.

"I'm breaking up with you." There. Easy as that.

But this was Bill Cipher and nothing was ever easy with him. His brows furrow and he reaches out to touch Dipper's hand. Dipper takes a step back, knowing that if Bill were to touch him now, he'd completely break.

"You're breaking up with me… why?"

"You know why, Bill," He wants to look away from that pool of gold, but he'd decided weeks ago that he wasn't going to be a coward anymore. "I can't be with someone who only calls me when their lonely. I can't be someone to warm your bed at night and that's it. You're messing with my head, Bill, and I can't keep doing this if it's just going to be temporary."

"But it's _not_ temporary! I love you, Dipper, you're not just a body for me to hold at night."

"Bill… you never stay anymore. You're gone by the time I wake up without letting me know exactly _where_ you've gone. Can't you see our relationship's falling apart?"

Dipper's voice is rising and Bill actually looks guilty because he knows, he knows that he's the reason behind why there were cracks in their relationship. It was all his fault, Dipper was just making it known.

"I know we're young, but I really want to be with you for the rest of my life," Dipper confesses and he quickly continues his train of thought when hope flashes in Bill's eyes, "However, I need to let this go. I need to let _us_ go. The way we're headed is unhealthy Bill, this is killing me and it needs to end before I end up suffocating."

"I–"

"You love me, you care about me, I know," Dipper interrupts. He has a mirthless smile on his face and he knows he must look as broken as he feels. "I love you too, but our love isn't enough. It can't save us." There's tears streaming down Bill's one eye and it hurts to see his ex-lover so upset, Bill rarely cried. He gingerly touches his cheek, there're tears trailing down his face as well. He can't take this anymore, he's said his piece and now he has to get out. Get out and go cry into Mabel's sweater.

With a whispered goodbye, Dipper turns around and starts heading out of the forest.

"I'll make this better," The wind carries Bill's softly spoken words to Dipper, making him freeze before he disappears into the trees. His shoulders are tense and he waits for the rest of Bill's sentence. "I promise I'll be better than I have been these past few months. I can't lose you, Dipper."

His nails dig into his palm as he restrains himself from running into Bill's arms. They need time apart, they can't keep going on like this, but if Bill's being sincere…

"I'll always be yours." The tears are flowing faster and he runs when he hears the hitch in Bill's breath followed by a heartbroken sob that he never thought he'd hear from his ex-lover.

* * *

Dipper spends the rest of the day crying into Mabel's shoulder and then looking through the scrapbook she'd made for his and Bill's two year anniversary – wow, was that really only four months ago? – despite her telling him that he really shouldn't be adding salt to the wound.

He couldn't help it. He may not have been okay with being a temporary bliss for Bill, but his parting words haunted Dipper's mind and he held onto that thin string of hope with a death grip.

He wasn't about to give up on this love.

Not yet.

But for now, he'll have to deal with no more late night dates and sleeping alone once again.


End file.
